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| When we enter the Projection Room, it’s very dark. We can hardly see where we’re going and we bump up against a lot of painful stuff. The same can be said of intimate relationships. Because it is in intimate relationship that we experience projection the most intensely and where it can cause the most suffering. We can also experience projection on a global scale, believing the world is what we are projecting onto it. Either way, understanding how and what we are projecting can allow us to disengage and see what’s really going on. In psychological terms, projection is often talked about as seeing our own unaccepted 'negative' energies acted out by someone else. For instance, our discomfort with experiencing our own anger may create a situation where the other is angry at us. We can also experience a positive projection, creating a situation where we are idealizing the other and only seeing them as perfect. In energy work, the work of awakening from what we are unconsciously creating, projection also includes a deeper understanding. In energy terms when we are experiencing betrayal or negation or anything that causes us suffering, we say we are looking at what we are unconsciously doing to our own souls. We begin to see how we are projecting onto the ‘Other’ what we are not able to accept about ourselves. It is my experience that what we are most often not able to accept about ourselves is a perfectly healthy, normal desire that for some reason we have been shnookered into believing it’s not ok to desire it. When a perfectly normal, healthy desire is split off (believed to be bad or wrong) it's like telling ourselves: "Don't want that! It's wrong to desire that!" and we are so good at beating ourselves up for even daring to think that we might want it. The way we most often beat ourselves up is by ‘using’ the Other to be the one with the whip. Then we can blame the other & we get to feel sorry for ourselves. (Most of us have a refrain that goes something like “This always happens to me” or “I never get to have _____.” With each passing year we can feel more and more trapped by the repeating pattern of our own suffering. In the world of energy, the 'negative' energies coming at us are projections of our own unconscious beliefs. We say we are experiencing the projection of our own Shadow. These beliefs are created at such a young age we usually don't even know we believe them. But we can 'see' the contents of our own shadow/unconscious belief by paying attention to what causes us suffering. For instance, it is perfectly natural and healthy to want to be acknowledged for our achievements. But if our early experience with our mother (or primary caregiver) teaches us that it is painful to want that because we're not going to get it, we make an unconscious agreement NOT to want acknowledgment because IT HURTS MORE TO WANT IT THAN TO NEGATE THE WANTING. We split off the healthy, vibrant part of ourselves that wants to be seen, as we unconsciously accept the lie that there's something wrong with wanting it. But of course, the desire doesn't go away... its split off or repressed, relegated to the dark shadow of the unconscious and then projected out, unconsciously, in our most intimate relationships SO WE CAN SEE WHAT WE'VE DONE with that perfectly normal, healthy desire. The suffering we experience in relationship is the mirror held up to the imprisoned part of ourselves. When something has become so unconscious that we’ve forgotten how to feel good about wanting it, projection is inevitable. It is a way to see what we're doing to ourselves (ie beating ourselves up for wanting to be acknowledged.) It is very similar to coaxing a beaten animal out of it’s hiding place. Trust must be established. Gentleness, compassion and forgiveness are required to bring that rejected part of the self back into life. The problem is, most of us get stuck blamingthe Other (who is usually a pretty good "hook" for our projection.) (Remember the old 60's line: "just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you"?) We’re all very good at picking partners who are easy to blame. So, in healing ourselves, we stay conscious of the actions of the other person & protect ourselves from their abuse by having enough self-respect & awareness to say “ No!” to what they're doing that hurts us. And at the same time we begin to look inside. If we stay with Blaming-The-Other, we miss out on our own healing. Of course ‘They’ act like jerks. All human beings act like jerks. But if you really want to change the way you are in relationship with others, you must go inside and shine the light of awareness on your own shadow. You must coax out the original wanting that got buried so long ago. Forgive yourself for cutting off such a sweet part of yourself and experience the healing of feeling compassion for the child who was made to believe it was wrong. In order to heal we retrieve our own Souls from the nightmarish prison of our own Shadows. Once you have learned to separate energies (stop by the Emergency Room) you will more easily be able to negotiate this reintegration. One way of doing this is with Active Meditation. You can allow memory & imagination to take you back to your younger self by simply grounding, getting yourself into a light trance state and asking for a memory to surface. When it does, trust it and look at what you're showing yourself. How old are you? What are you wearing? Where are you? Is there anyone else in the memory? When you have a good sense of the memory, imagine yourself, as you are now, stepping into the scene. Say hello to your younger self and tell her (or him) that you are who she is when she grows up. Ask if she has anything she wants to tell you. Begin a conversation about what's happening and act as protector and wise parent. If she's in an abusive situation, tell her you're there to protect her, that the other person is being a lousy parent or guardian or whatever, and that you're there to help her. Remember the imagination is a magical realm where anything can be created--do whatever you need to do for her to feel safe, understood and taken care of. Ultimately you want to imagine the younger self as coming with you back into your own life. (Integrate the split off energy) That may take many sessions. There may be many layers, many younger selves. You want to stay on your own time table and not rush anything. The important thing is to begin a dialogue with a part of you that has had to accept the idea that what is natural and healthy is somehow wrong to want. Bring compassionate forgiveness to yourself for wanting it in the first place. In this way you can free the energy that's been relegated to the shadow and stop projecting onto the "Other" in your life. It won't stop the Other from being who they are but it will open an energetic window for change to occur. You will no longer be unconsciously 'insisting' that they treat you a certain way and will stop the unconscious behavior that creates a certain response in them. You can then begin to allow others to treat you differently and more compassionately. Because the trickiest thing about an energetic projection is that we're in cahoots with other, making sure we never risk getting what we were trained to believe is wrong to want. And when we're projecting onto the other, it's just like projecting a film image onto a wall: we're no longer aware of anything but the projection. Awareness
changes everything. How
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It is my intention that you use this site as a way to bring yourself to happiness. |
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material © Mary Swanson | The School of Art & Magic 2005 - 2009 Design: HeatherBleasdell.com 2006| Sound: Tom Lattand Soundtank 2005 | Art: Mary Swanson 2005 |
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